You walk into a room that inspires you to want to move in. 

The room is spacious. High ceilings. Big windows. Cool art everywhere. Guitars hanging on the walls. Beat up leather chairs. A big, well-worn dining table. Persian rugs. Cool lamps. Yummy candles. 

Old albums play on the turntable: Lionel Richie, David Bowie, Van Morrison, Fleetwood Mac… and hundreds more albums at your fingertips. DJC (yes, that’s me!) is spinning for your listening pleasure.

You there yet?

Good.

You slouch into one of the leather chairs. Or curl up on the oversized sofa and throw a big ass fuzzy blanket over yourself.

Aaaaaah.

You feel calm. Safe. Yet filled with anticipation and unspoken expectations. 

You’re handed a colorful journal with Arthur O’Shaughnessy’s quote, “We are the music makers. We are the dreamers of dreams.”  

And given a hardcover book — “Ever Wonder”— filled with thought provoking questions you typically read, yet never take the time to answer. 

And of course, you’re excited to get one of those clicky 4-color pens you loved in 5th grade. Because, why not?

You have one hour to write about ANY question you want from the book.

OMG! WTF do you do? So many choices!

You choose. And you write. Of course.

This is the scenario a handful of my clients walked into last Friday at the retreat I hosted for them in NYC.

After their hour of writing, each woman took time to share the question she chose and how she answered it. The question she selected was as revealing as what she wrote about it.

And as if that wasn’t enough, we layered on the twist of what WE saw in each of her chosen questions and revelations. 

Because I’m always on the lookout for mindset minefields that keep us stuck,

I noticed 3 main behaviors that were interfering with their full potential to grow…

1. Expectations

We have expectations of ourselves and those around us. Our families. Our friends. Our prospects. Our clients. 

Our expectations are a story we put on ourselves and others. Especially unfair since they so often go unspoken. 

We try to live up to them. And want those around us to do the same. Even though they don’t even know our rules.

Then our disappointments pop up when expectations aren’t met. And we wonder, “WTF?! How could he/she do that to me?” We feel completely blindsided.

So we either lash out — or limp along like wounded puppies. Instead of changing our communication. Or better yet — our stories. 

2. Contradictions

I want this. Am I sure I want this? Wait, I want that more. I’ve got to be crazy to think I’ll EVER get any of this!

Let’s say you really want to take Fridays off to go to the beach. But you think it’s OUTLANDISH to do that because you should be working. 

The belief that it’s outlandish creates the contradiction — and will override your ability to take off Fridays to hit the beach until you change your belief.

Because if you have contradicting thoughts, how does the Universe know what to deliver?

HINT: You’ll get whatever is backed up by your strongest belief. 

3. Limitations

I want to play big and be crazy successful. But OMG – other people are so much bigger than me. I can’t measure up to them. I’m nuts to consider that I’m even close to their level. They make so much more money than me. I don’t belong here. When will everyone realize I’m a fraud?

It drives me a little batty when I find myself and other women minimizing their power, strength and brilliance. Men don’t do it! Why do we?!?!

We must STOP with that nonsense — and START making declarations. 

Yes, that’s right. 

Declare what success looks like to you. 

Declare what you want. 

Declare what “big” and “successful” look like to you. 

Declare what you want that lies beyond where you think you are. 

Declare and communicate your expectations.

And do it.

YOU get to make up the rules.

Declaring these things in advance will minimize disappointment and exponentially increase your happiness. 

To build a sustainable business, you must eliminate your mindset minefields.

I highly encourage you to brush up on other common blocks so you can be on the lookout. Don’t let ’em sneak up on you! Click to access the “5 Mindset Mistakes Women Entrepreneurs Make and How To Avoid Them.” 

Because the filters you use to view, translate, assume, perceive, expect, presuppose, imagine, presume… (shall I go on?) are ALL within your control.